Dear Allies,
There is something you’ll have to accept before reading on. You are going to fuck up. Go back and read that last sentence again. Again. Read it until it becomes nonsense. Read it until it’s implanted really firmly in your head. No I don’t mean the “Whoops, little slip up there! One bad mark on my otherwise stellar ally scorecard.” No. You are gonna fuck up in profound awful ways. Often. You’ll also fuck up in little ways that most of us won’t bother to correct. All the time. I don’t care if you think you are the “Most Bestest Ally of All Time!” you’re not. End of story. Don’t fight me on this one. So you’re going to fuck up, you know this now. If not, don’t bother to continue reading. Seriously, I mean it.
Ok, so you've fucked up. You probably didn't realize it. Someone else had to point it out. That’s fine. Now what are you going to do? Apologize and move on. That’s it. Pretty simple right? Evidently not. Because so often a fuck up is followed by a string of explanations and justification that makes me want to punch you square in the jaw. Not literally, but you get the point. Don’t be pedantic. The most common theme in these explanations is about how difficult it is to change. “I've always known you as he.” “I've never had to use those pronouns before.” “I grew up in a different time.” So, you’re explaining to a trans person how hard transitioning is. For you. Seriously? These are people who have to fight nearly every system in place in order to be themselves and you’re going to tell them how hard it is for you? We really don’t want to hear anything about how it’s hard for you. You think it’s hard? Try living it every damn day of your life. Try living in a world where people treat your identity as a diagnosis. Try living in a world where most people who claim to be on your side hurt you all the time. Don’t tell me it’s hard, because you don’t have any idea what hard is when it comes to this, and because I don’t claim to understand how hard things are for you. Because I don’t, and neither do you.
There is something you’ll have to accept before reading on. You are going to fuck up. Go back and read that last sentence again. Again. Read it until it becomes nonsense. Read it until it’s implanted really firmly in your head. No I don’t mean the “Whoops, little slip up there! One bad mark on my otherwise stellar ally scorecard.” No. You are gonna fuck up in profound awful ways. Often. You’ll also fuck up in little ways that most of us won’t bother to correct. All the time. I don’t care if you think you are the “Most Bestest Ally of All Time!” you’re not. End of story. Don’t fight me on this one. So you’re going to fuck up, you know this now. If not, don’t bother to continue reading. Seriously, I mean it.
Ok, so you've fucked up. You probably didn't realize it. Someone else had to point it out. That’s fine. Now what are you going to do? Apologize and move on. That’s it. Pretty simple right? Evidently not. Because so often a fuck up is followed by a string of explanations and justification that makes me want to punch you square in the jaw. Not literally, but you get the point. Don’t be pedantic. The most common theme in these explanations is about how difficult it is to change. “I've always known you as he.” “I've never had to use those pronouns before.” “I grew up in a different time.” So, you’re explaining to a trans person how hard transitioning is. For you. Seriously? These are people who have to fight nearly every system in place in order to be themselves and you’re going to tell them how hard it is for you? We really don’t want to hear anything about how it’s hard for you. You think it’s hard? Try living it every damn day of your life. Try living in a world where people treat your identity as a diagnosis. Try living in a world where most people who claim to be on your side hurt you all the time. Don’t tell me it’s hard, because you don’t have any idea what hard is when it comes to this, and because I don’t claim to understand how hard things are for you. Because I don’t, and neither do you.
